Posts tagged food
Posts tagged food
This is probably the first time I’m to really admit this at all.
I think I’m going through recovery. For everything.
I’m on anti-depressants and going back to counselling soon. It’s been a long time since I last self harmed. It’s been over a year since I last attempted suicide. I’m trying to eat more healthily for myself. I’m going to get back into exercise when college starts back up. I feel like it’s time. Time to end this chapter, this 4-year-long chapter of my life. I want to experience things, I’m nearly out of education, I’ll hopefully soon be working and earning money and saving up to travel and take photos and create art. And live.
And I’ve met this wonderful guy who makes me feel beautiful. Even if we don’t work out, I would love to keep him in my life, because he’s the beginning of me feeling good about myself. I wasn’t asking to be saved, because I know that’s not how it works. But I took my first steps literally days before I met him. And he makes me feel good enough to carry on. And my relationship with my mum is better than ever. I still have problems on occasion with my grandparents but things are good, really.
I think I’m ready to set myself free of this cage.
I owe you guys another apology.
Again, I’ve been avoiding this tumblr because I couldn’t control my eating. I’ve come back because yesterday was the first sign that my eating is getting under control. I’m also planning on going back to the gym, I only stopped going because I’ve got a dodgy knee, but now I have some stretches to help make it better, and then the weights I do should help strengthen my joints. I’m also going to limit my dairy intake because my sinuses are a bit blocked.
So I’m currently sat watching the Biggest Loser, drinking a cup of peppermint tea. And I am about to get up and do my leg stretches for the day and grab my mini stepper machine.
I haven’t had laxatives in a while, but my body is so fucked up, it only takes any food to make it have that effect. But today I’m pretty bloated after nearly 4 slices of toast, with spicy baked beans and philidelphia spread.
And a lot of juice. Blergh. I feel rough.
About to list the food I’ve eaten before I go out later.
-a mouthful of the most disgusting salad ever. I don’t think they washed the pesticides off it.
-a slice of quiche.
-small portion of veggie pasta with a cheese sauce.
Nothing else, because I don’t like eating before I get drunk. :)
I also had
2 cartons of lacto free milk
and my 2 slice bred, philidelphia, grated cheese and veggie meatball sandwich
(I had a feeling the sandwich was a better idea, as I had a feeling I was going to binge.)
I hope I didn’t gain D:
I’m so fucking repetitive.
-a slice of brown bread with philidelphia
-10 chips with ketchup
-half a can of beer
-a coconut yogurt
I feel fat.
I think my mum might notice that I’m not really eating soon. So I’m gonna have to start pretending to eat… Which is sooo much effort…
I hope what I’ve eaten won’t make me gain…
2 and a bit roast potatoes.
a couple of table spoons (ish) of some kind of tofu/quorn in vegetarian gravy.
a carton of orange juice.
half a carton of lacto free milk.
:/ I’m bloated.
5 pomme bears. No more. No more food.
Juts apple juice and green tea.