Posts tagged personal

My eyes are dying. Got 4-5 hours of sleep. Gonna see if my friend will let me lay in his bad later. 

Cutting myself. Worst night ever. 

I got tanned the other day on my upper right arm. I can see old scars again….. its so triggering. 

I went back to the counsellor man Tuesday. Two weeks before I finally told a professional about my eating problems, so this session was focused on finding out what they were exactly. 

I have signs of Binge Eating Disorder, but its not a diagnosis coz I’m ‘not that bad’. I like to think I’m not that bad because I’ve been making a conscious effort to change. 

I’ve been controlling my self harming and suicidal tendencies, I’ve been moving away from extremely restricting and trying not to binge (though I’ve been over eating like a bitch.) and I’ve been avoiding the scales and most mirrors trying not to set myself off and get triggered all over again. Plus no more diet pills or laxatives. 

So he is worried that with out the help he’s going to give me (seeing him every 2 weeks and doing these booklets, maybe going to a self esteem group counselling) that I might slip into a fully blown eating disorder. 

YEY SOMEONES HELPING ME!!! So in these two weeks before I see him again, I’m going to work on my diet. Taking it slowly. Too much change has been my problem in the past so I want to take it day by day and not have a specific plan, but have a general aim. 

But he made me weight myself in front of him. I dont work in KGs so I didn’t really know what it was. I was just over 75kg. 

I just figured out thats 165.3 lbs. 

I’ve gained 10 pounds. 

I’m trying not to hate myself for it. 

-sigh- i might not binge but I’m going to fucking hurt myself….

i will not binge or over eat today.

Uto No Prince Sama is just asking for the gay fan fiction.

Omg, thought i was gonna puke coz the amount i’ve eaten today. But I found it easier!!

My arms didn’t ache as much, I could do slightly more advanced versions. 

Omg so excited. 

I’m literally gonna do my 30 day shred at midnight hahahaa coz i didnt get out of bed today 

I hate having feelings. Is there some kind of surgery I can get??